That’s important to respect and work through in a consensual and safe way, ideally with a trained mental health professional who can help. We may bring trauma and past wounds into our various relationships.

One Person is Monopolizing Trauma.ĭue to the upsetting realities of sexual violence, racism, poverty, heterosexism, cissexism, and more, queer girls and women are often forced to navigate all different types of trauma. “For example, a person who feels inferior constantly accuses others of being stupid or incompetent.” It is never okay for anyone to treat you this way, regardless of how they feel about themselves. “Projection is the act of placing unacceptable feelings or unacceptable wants or desires onto another person,” Paula Durlofsky, PhD explains. Most likely your girlfriend is projecting her own self-hatred and/or lack of confidence onto you. If you’re in a similar situation, pay attention to these moments of cruelty and humiliation. After I broke up with her, I had friends telling me that they were concerned about me the whole time and could see something was amiss. This put me in the awkward position of trying to downplay her behavior to others to “protect” her and mitigate the shame of being degraded and staying with someone who treated me that way. One time, she even swore at me in a department store in front of my parents, to their shock. She would use it to her advantage to make snarky, passive-aggressive comments about me in front of my friends. I once had an ex who knew that I hated to be publicly humiliated. Your Girlfriend Demeans You in Front of Your Friends and/or Family as a “Joke.” You should be able to express disagreement and discuss problems without feeling like you’re going to be under emotional siege for doing so. If the girl you like yells at you in response to this feedback, or passive-aggressively guilt trips you into doing what she wants, she is not respecting you. Therapist Cherilynn Veland, LCSW, MSW terms this “unearned guilt” and writes, “These negative feelings are not the truth they are the result of an ingrained self-punishment impulse that you must acknowledge but not let succeed.” You have the right to negotiate how much time you spend together, what you feel comfortable doing (or not doing) sexually, and so much more.

Girls and women are socialized into feeling like we’re selfish for having needs and that we must sacrifice our own well-being to support others. The ability to set healthy boundaries is one of the most important parts of a relationship. You Try to Set Boundaries and Your Girlfriend Freaks Out. Here are five signs that the “drama” in your relationship might actually be abuse.

But either way, it’s still emotional abuse and there is no excuse for it. People may do many of the things on this list without necessarily trying to. Emotional abuse is not always intentional.

Dyke Drama by Leslie Lange